


Epilogue: What Wondrous Love is This?

by CatrionaMac



Series: Man of Constant Sorrow - AU [2]
Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Epilogue, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Lemon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 15:02:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2029458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatrionaMac/pseuds/CatrionaMac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of Man of Constant Sorrow, Ellie and Joel figure out how to navigate their new relationship and build their family with Lucy in the mountains of west Texas. Lots of lemons in this!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Epilogue: What Wondrous Love is This?

**Author's Note:**

> Unlike the main story, Man of Constant Sorrow, this epilogue is chock full of sexy, lemony, sex. This is for everybody who came to Man of Constant Sorrow hoping for a titillating read after reading my Cover Me Up series, only to find a disappointing T rating and no lemons in sight. Thanks for sticking with the story anyway! I'm posting this separate from the main story so I can preserve the original rating, and so readers who aren't looking for lemon pie with lemonade and a big side of lemon preserves can avoid it and thus preserve their tender sensibilities. 
> 
> For the rest of you, enjoy.
> 
> -Cat

_I wish my breast were made of glass wherein you might behold_   
_Upon my heart your name lies wrote in letters made of gold_   
_In letters made of gold my love, believe me when I say_   
_You are the one that I will adore until my dying day_

_The blackest crow that ever flew would surely turn to white_   
_If ever I prove false to you bright day will turn to night_   
_Bright day will turn to night my love, the elements will mourn_   
_If ever I prove false to you the seas will rage and burn_

\- From _The Blackest Crow_ , traditional American song

* * *

 

The logistics of having sex in a small cave with a four-year-old sleeping less than ten feet away are problematic.

“Are you ready?” Joel whispered in her ear.

God, was she. She’d been ready ever since that afternoon, when she’d seen him bent over the creek doing laundry, droplets of water sparkling on his naked chest, and the faded red sweatpants wet and clinging to his muscular ass and thighs, leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination. If Lucy hadn’t been sitting right next to him, happily digging her toes into the mud and “helping out” by swirling a cake of soap around in the general vicinity of the washing, Ellie would have jumped him right there and then.

She’d tried putting Lucy down for a nap when they were done washing clothes, but the little girl was bouncing off the walls today and had way too much energy to sleep. So Ellie had watched from the bank while Joel gave Lucy a swimming lesson instead, feeling blissfully happy and incredibly frustrated at the same time.

She’d gotten everything she’d ever wanted, everything she’d cried over on those long, lonely nights. Her daughter was here with her, and she had a companion, someone she loved and wanted by her side. She had a _family_. It was riches beyond dreams of avarice.

And she didn’t want it to seem like she was complaining, but it was just...sometimes she wished they hadn’t both come into her life together, at the same time. Her little cave was beginning to feel awfully crowded, especially at night. She and Joel had tried sleeping in the big hidden back area where she stored all her supplies, but Lucy was too scared of the new environment to be by herself, and the thought of Lucy alone in the unprotected outer cave had kept Ellie up all night anyway, checking on her every thirty minutes. It didn’t work the other way around, either; Lucy had run screaming out of the back of the supply area after five minutes alone there, claiming to have felt a spider on her arm.

But now Lucy was sleeping, and Joel was poised above her, effortlessly holding himself up with his arms. He lowered his body gently until she could just feel the brush of his hair against her stiff nipples, the taut muscles of his stomach hard and fuzzy against hers. The tip of his cock, hotter than a branding iron, grazed the slick entrance to her sex. She gasped, a noise that Joel stopped with his lips, and then his tongue, stealing her breath away.

“Shh.” He drew back again, and she almost screamed with frustration. His eyes gleamed above her as she panted. It was too dark to see his face, but she could tell he was smiling. The bastard was enjoying teasing her like this. “You sure you’re ready?”

Two could play this game. “Joel,” she whispered sweetly, “Did I ever tell you about the time that Charlotte and I got drunk and fucked each other with a double dildo?” He shivered and his arms started to tremble. She squirmed her hips underneath his until his cock was once again positioned where she needed it to be. His entire body shuddered when she took him in her hand and guided him to her entrance. She breathed into his ear, “I made her come seven times in a row--Oh!”

Joel muffled his moan in the flesh of her neck as he thrust forward with his hips, finally penetrating her. Ellie groaned at the intense sensation as his head stretched the tight membranes at the entrance of her sex, and she bit her lip to try and keep herself quiet as she rolled her hips into him, her breath coming in tiny panting gasps. More, she needed more. One more powerful thrust, and he was buried inside her. Jesus Christ, he felt so fucking good.

“That ain’t fair, Ellie,” His body was pressing down on her now, a deliriously hot weight, the hard planes of him crushing her into the thin mattress and making her feel soft and pliant. She wrapped her legs around his thighs and grabbed a firm hold on his ass so he wouldn’t pull out again.

“Who said it had to be fair?” she breathed. His ass muscles bunched under her hands as he thrust into her again, grinding his pelvic bone against her clit. She bit her moan back, but barely.

She knew it was a little manipulative, but she liked making him feel like he had to prove something to her. It made him work so hard. Besides, it wasn’t like she was going to run off with another woman. No, stories about her past experiences, especially the ones about Charlotte, got him riled up in just the right way. When she ran out of real stories, she’d have to just start making things up.

Ellie gave a breathless little giggle at the thought, and Joel smothered it with a hungry, wanton kiss that brought her wandering mind back into laser focus. She kissed him back, all their playfulness burned away by single-minded desire. _Take me. Want me. Fill me. Devour me._ Their mouths tore at each other mercilessly as Joel moved on top of her, inside her. She matched the rhythm of her body to his, the slow, deep thrusts making her feel desperate and wild. Ellie’s head tipped back when Joel dragged his teeth from her mouth to the sensitive skin of her neck, where her pulse was fluttering crazily. He sucked her skin into his mouth and bit down, hard enough to make her gasp again.

“God...Joel…” She knotted her fingers in his hair and lifted his head to hers again, her mouth devouring his hungrily while she moved her hips with his, their pace becoming increasingly frantic. One of his hands went to her breast, his palm rough against her hard nipple. Her head dropped back again as her breath grew short, her heart pounding like a drum in the base of her throat.

“Ahh...Ellie,” he panted, “Ohhhh…god…” Joel’s breath was harsh against the crook of her neck as he plunged into her, the sweat of their exertions making their bodies slick and wet.

Every thrust of their hips ground her clit against his pubic bone, bringing her closer to the edge. She felt like she was melting from the inside out.

“Oh...fuck,” she grunted into his ear. “Don’t stop, Joel. Don’t...I’m…” She clapped her hand over her own mouth and bit her palm as her orgasm rolled over her, stifling her moans as best she could. Joel must have been close too, because as the powerful spasms of her orgasm started to die down, she felt his rhythm hitch and become erratic and his cock swell inside her as he climaxed, muffling his own moans by biting down on her neck again. She felt him shooting spurt after spurt of thick semen into her pussy.

He framed her face with his hands while they both fought to catch their breath, brushing her short hair back from her sweaty face. She could see the gleam of his teeth when he smiled. When he tipped his head forward and kissed her tenderly, she could feel his heart pounding against her chest. She squeezed her muscles around his cock, and he shuddered and gave one last twitch inside her before rolling off to the side, still panting.

“Christ, woman.” Joel’s harsh whisper betrayed his lack of breath.

Ellie smiled and stretched lazily, then tensed as a gush of their combined fluids rushed out of her. Fuck. That meant sleeping in a wet spot for the rest of the night. She grimaced. One thing sleeping with women had over men was that the aftermath wasn’t quite so fucking _messy_. She smiled again. Except with that one girl at the Roswell program, Gina. She hummed contentedly in her throat. Oh, the glorious Gina, with her brown skin and lush curves. Their first time together, Gina’s magic fingers had rubbed her in just the right way; she’d squirted so hard when she’d come that it splattered on the wall across from the bed. And then they’d giggled so hard cleaning it up that they’d decided to go for a second round.

 _I think I’ll surprise Joel with that one of these days, when we have a little more privacy,_ she thought with a little laugh.

“Somethin’ funny?” he asked.

“Nope. That was just pretty fun.” And it had been. She wasn’t lying. Not at all. But...you know. Missionary sex. They were still learning each other’s bodies, and they fit together extremely well, and it was probably the quietest and most unobtrusive way to have sex when a four year old was sleeping ten feet away, but still. Not exactly the adventurous fare she was used to. Joel seemed content to do things the same way every time, but she knew she’d get bored with it eventually, no matter how great he felt. If only she had some time and some privacy! He took direction well, Ellie was sure she’d be able to open up his mind and get him to try some more athletic variations, or at least a different position or two.

She wiggled, trying to find a section of mattress that wasn’t soaked, but without success.

She wondered if he’d ever seen a woman squirt in real life. Probably not. He’d already admitted to her being only his fourth sexual partner, counting the girl he’d accidentally knocked up in high school. What was her name? Krissy? Kristy? That must have sucked, planning the big V-card losing event, shuffling your way through junior prom, so eager to get back to the rented hotel room you’d lied to your folks about that you couldn’t really enjoy anything that happened at the dance, and then, BAM! One broken condom later and you were a dad. Or a mom. Ellie was glad she’d stuck to girls in high school.

But when she’d told him that he should have tried out dudes instead, because then pregnancy could have been avoided, he hadn’t thought it was very funny. He’d just stared at her, his face completely closed off, until she’d realized that the pregnancy she’d just scoffed at had resulted in his daughter Sarah, and then she’d just felt really awful. That would always be between them, her living daughter and Joel’s dead one. She only hoped that Joel didn’t resent it too much, that his daughter had died while hers had lived; she was afraid he did, even though he genuinely cared for Lucy.

Ellie was coming to realize that this adult relationship thing was kind of a minefield, no matter how well you got along with the other person.

Joel’s side of the mattress was still dry. Casually, Ellie rolled over and lay her cheek down on his sweaty chest, her fingers coming up to play with his coarse chest hair. “Hey, switch places with me? Pretty please?”

She caught a gleam as he looked down at her with slitted eyes. “Nuh uh. That wet mattress is all yours.”

She rolled off of him and pushed his shoulder. “Ass. It’s your fault it’s wet.”

She felt him draw breath to reply, but he stopped when they heard the crying start across the cave.

Ellie was up like a shot, her heart pounding. “Lucy? Baby? What’s wrong?” They’d been here over a month, but Lucy still had nightmares and trouble sleeping. She fumbled for her clothes in the dark, came up with Joel’s sweatpants and her bra, pulled them both on.

“Mama!” The crying pierced her heart. Next to her, Joel was swearing and looking for his pants, not realizing she was already wearing them.

She was across the room and kneeling beside Lucy’s sleeping bag in under a second. She wrapped her arms around Lucy’s shoulders, marveling again at how tiny and fragile they felt, and held her daughter to her chest, rocking her gently. “Shhh, baby. It’s okay. It’s okay. You have a bad dream?”

Lucy nodded against her shoulder. Ellie could feel Lucy’s hot tears on her skin. “I’m scared,” she said, her voice muffled by Ellie’s arm.

“Oh, honey.” She kissed the top of Lucy’s curly head. “There’s nothing to be scared of. Joel and I are here to protect you.”

Lucy just shook her head and burrowed deeper into Ellie’s shoulder.

Ellie sighed internally, knowing she was giving up on a possible repeat performance from Joel, then said, “Do you want to be a spoon tonight?”

In the moonlight from the cave entrance, she could see Lucy raise her tear-streaked face and nod.

“Okay.” She stood up, picking the little girl up with her. “Oof! You’re getting pretty big. How old are you now, like, ten?”

The distraction worked, and Lucy laughed. “No! I’m four. You know that, Mama.”

“Your mama forgets stuff sometimes,” came Joel’s voice from the vicinity of the floor. “Like what her own pants look like.” Lucy giggled as Ellie stepped carefully toward their mattress, feeling her way with her feet. “Careful now.” The floor of the cave suddenly flooded with light; Joel had found his flashlight and was using it to light her way. She looked down and saw that he was wearing his boxer shorts and a t-shirt, and he’d rolled over onto her side of the mattress, leaving the dry side for her and Lucy.

A rush of gratitude filled her. “Thank you,” she mouthed to him. Out loud, she said, “You want your pants back?”

He laughed. “Nah. They look better on you.”

She lowered Lucy to the mattress and then lay down on her side, curling her body around her daughter and holding her tight. Ellie smiled as she felt Joel do the same behind her, his arm snaking over her waist to rest on Lucy’s shoulder and squeezing them all together.

“I love you, little spoon,” she murmured, kissing the top of Lucy’s head again.

“I love you, middle spoon,” Lucy replied, giggling. Ellie felt Lucy’s hand move, and there was a soft sucking sound as she popped her thumb into her mouth. “I love you, big sthpoon,” she lisped around her thumb.

Ellie felt Joel freeze. He’d never told Lucy he loved her. He rarely told Ellie herself. The words were difficult for him in a way that made Ellie think he hadn’t heard them much, growing up. When she told him she loved him, he would just hold her, or say, “Me too,” or kiss her. She lavished her love on Lucy, told her she loved her every chance she got, but neither of them said it much to Joel, because it made him so obviously uncomfortable. Lucy was just one of those demonstrative kids who loved everybody, and she obviously adored Joel. _Don’t roll away. Don’t, Joel. Just…_

He reached around her to Lucy’s mouth and gently hooked a finger under her tiny hand, removing her thumb from her mouth. “You’ll ruin your teeth, you keep doing that,” he said. Ellie could hear the strain in his voice.

He was still holding Lucy’s hand, his arm draped heavily around Ellie’s shoulder.

She knew how he felt. He made it clear to both of them every day in a hundred different ways. But she didn’t know how much of that Lucy picked up. She’d have to talk to Lucy about it tomorrow, point out that Joel really did care about her, even if he didn’t say it out loud…

Joel’s voice rumbled in the darkness of the cave. She felt the vibration of it against her back, and his breath warm against her ear when he said, “I love you too, little spoon.” He kissed Ellie’s bare shoulder. “And you, mama spoon.”

Lucy laughed. “Mama spoon!” She wiggled in Ellie’s arms, and Ellie squeezed her.

“Shh! Go to sleep,” she laughed. She leaned her head back against Joel’s shoulder, feeling especially brave. “That make you papa spoon?”

To her relief, he chuckled. “I guess so. Now, go to sleep, woman. You tired me out.”

Ellie fell asleep with a smile on her face.

* * *

“Right there. Ahhhhh!” Joel’s head was between her thighs, and her hands were twined in his hair. “Harder. Oh! Joel, yes...faster!” She pressed his head into her, jerking her hips as he enthusiastically lapped at her clit. “Use your fingers.” He complied, sliding one callused, rough finger into her slick sex. _Mmm, thick fingers,_ she thought muzzily. “Another.” She gasped as he slipped a second finger into her. The delicate membrane at the entrance of her sex was feeling deliciously stretched, and she could smell the musky scent of her own arousal from here.

“Fuck me with your fingers, Joel,” she said, an element of begging in her voice. She pushed herself down on him as he thrust forward with his fingers. “Ahhhhh!” His fingers, coated with her juices and his saliva, made a wet squelching noise as they entered her. “Faster,” she breathed. “Ohhhh, god!” His mouth was still fixed on her clit, sucking it and lapping at it with his tongue. The dual stimulation of his mouth and his fingers was almost too much, almost drove her right past pleasure, but he stayed on the right side of that line. Fireworks and stars started to gather in Ellie’s core.

“Joel...unnnh! Oh, fuck! Yes!” She could feel her pleasure starting to crest, and it was so liberating not to have to hold it in for once that she found herself screaming his name as she came, thrusting her hips furiously against his mouth.

As she spiraled down from her climax, panting, he raised his head from between her thighs, a satisfied smile on his face. His beard was soaked with her juices, and he wiped one hand over his face before leaning back down and giving her inner thigh an affectionate bite. “That sounded like a pretty good one,” he said as he crawled up and flopped over on his back next to her.

Ellie’s chest was still heaving, but she laughed. “You keep that up, cowboy, I just might keep you around for a while longer.”

He grinned. “You have the prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen. And you taste…” He ducked his head, still smiling, his cheeks flushing. “I think I could do that all day.”

“Yeah, well, too bad naptime doesn’t last all day.” Ellie felt a swell of affection in her chest. God, he was cute when he blushed. He’d been so nervous about eating her out. He’d said he hoped he’d stack up all right, and that’s when she’d realized that telling him about all her past exploits was a bit of a double-edged sword. She wanted to turn him on, not make him feel insecure.

But turnabout was fair play. Before she’d slept with Joel for the first time, she’d been pretty confident that intercourse at least would be familiar territory for her. The FEDRA program had provided all manner of sex toys, including strap-ons, so penetrative sex wasn’t exactly new for her. She’d been pleasantly surprised by the differences between an unyielding silicone dildo and a real cock, one that was both hard and yielding, hot to the touch, and so live and responsive to her every movement. Not to mention the way it felt when he came inside her, and she could feel the spurts of hot semen filling her up. _That_ was a sensation that was fast becoming addictive; she hadn’t expected to love it quite so much.

Giving a blowjob was something else entirely, and to be totally honest, she was feeling a little terrified. She glanced down to where his erection stood, pointing skyward. How the hell was she supposed to get that whole thing in her mouth? She had no idea how his penis worked, except for the vague understanding that sticking it in things made him feel good. But were some parts more sensitive than others? Could she use her teeth, or was that a no-no? What the fuck was she supposed to do with his balls? What if it made her gag? What if she didn’t like the way he tasted?

To buy herself some time, she kissed him, letting her tongue linger on his lips, and said, “Mmm. I taste delicious.”

He smiled against her lips and said, “Darlin’, you have no idea.”

All right. It was now or never. Lucy wasn’t going to nap forever. Ellie took a deep breath and said, “I’ve never done this before, you know. So you’re going to have to tell me what feels good.”

Joel inhaled to answer her, but before he could, she placed her lips around the head of his cock and gave the tip a delicate swipe with her tongue. Whatever he was about to say became a moan. _Mmmm. That’s not bad at all...it tastes like...kind of salty, and kind of sweet. I like it._ She swirled her tongue around his cock more enthusiastically, lapping up the slippery pre-come that was oozing out of his tip.

She sucked on him, hard, and he moaned again and said, “Ahhh! That’s...it’s sensitive, Ellie…”

“Too much?”

“Too much.”

She filed this information away. Don’t suck too hard. That probably meant teeth were not appropriate. She licked up and down the length of his shaft a few times, getting him good and slippery, and then she took his head in her mouth again and pushed her head down onto him as far as she could. She felt the tip of his cock tickling the back of her throat, and fought her gag reflex. Joel was pretty well-endowed, so there was still a disappointing length of shaft outside her mouth, but the way her throat was closing up she didn’t think she’d be able to fit all of him in there. She narrowed her eyes in frustration and considered the problem. _What if I use my hand, kind of give him a hand job at the same time?_

She gripped his base, slippery with her saliva and his own pre-come, in one small hand and started moving it up and down in rhythm with her mouth. When Joel said, “Ohhh, god, yes!” and thrust his hips eagerly, she knew she was on the right track.

She moved her head and hand together in a slow rhythm, gauging from the movements of his hips when to speed up and using her hand to keep him from choking her. Her jaw started to ache, but she was too enchanted by the effect she was having on his body to stop now. Joel moaned and his fingers scrabbled in her hair, clearly wanting to hold her head but not doing it. _What happens when I touch his balls while I’m doing this? Oh...they’re all tight and tucked up next to his body...I wonder what that means?_

Ellie had her answer a second later when Joel panted, “Ahhh...Ellie...baby...I’m gonna...if you don’t want…”

Ellie pushed her head down hard and felt the head of his cock in the back of her throat again. Joel gasped, and then groaned as he started to come. “Ohhhhhh god…”

Ellie could feel the pressurized spurts of semen traveling through his cock under her lips before the thick, sticky liquid hit the back of her throat. She swallowed once as her mouth filled, but couldn’t stop some of it from leaking out the sides of her mouth and down her chin. She sucked until he stopped shooting, until he started to soften between her lips, and then she let him slide out of her, a string of come-filled saliva lewdly connecting them until she broke it with the tip of her tongue. The inside of her mouth felt coated with his thick seed, and she licked some more off her lips before she crawled back up to lay her head on his heaving chest.

“That was all right?” She snuggled her head into the crook of his shoulder.

Joel laughed helplessly. “I feel like I can die a happy man.”

Ellie sat up, a chill invading her post-coital glow. “Don’t joke about that. It’s not funny.”

She felt Joel sit up behind her, felt him wrap his arms around her shoulders. She let him pull her back against his chest. “I ain’t goin’ anywhere.” He kissed the corner of her jaw, just under her ear, and she shivered.

Ellie suddenly realized the dark side to her current happiness: now she had a lot more to lose.

She leaned against him, hard, and willed him not to notice the way her jaw was working, the way her lips were trembling. The way her throat was aching. Despite her efforts, a tear trickled from the corner of her eye, and she wiped it angrily away.

“Hey…” Joel said uncertainly.

She turned around and kissed him fiercely. “You’re not allowed to die on me. Your death privileges are revoked.”

“Ellie,” he said, his face somber. He brushed another tear from her cheek, cradling her face in one rough hand. “I said I ain’t goin’ anywhere.”

She knew as well as he did that it was a hollow promise. Wiping at her face, she said, “We’d better get back before Lucy wakes up.”

* * *

Weeks turned into months, and the three of them settled into a comfortable routine, which was made slightly less comfortable by the fact that Lucy joined them on the mattress now more nights than not. Ellie loved falling asleep cuddling her little girl, but the nights that she and Joel had the bed to themselves were becoming fewer and far between, which was getting increasingly frustrating.

At night, she and Joel would sit by the fire and do little chores like making snares, or cleaning their guns. Some nights they’d just tell Lucy stories. Joel was better at telling stories than Ellie was, and there were a lot of nights when he had both of them on the edge of their seats, begging him to tell them what happened next.

Lucy was well-behaved for the most part, but she definitely had her moments. This night had been particularly trying. She’d found a stash of hard candies that Ellie had been saving for special occasions in the supply room, and she’d eaten the entire bag before they’d found her. The unaccustomed sugar rush had made her careen around the cave in an increasingly wild manner, to Ellie’s growing irritation. She and Joel had been trying to unload the racks of smoked trout from the smoker into her dwindling supply of plastic ziptop bags, and in one of Lucy’s uncontrolled, looping passes through the cave she’d tripped and collided with the stack of loaded racks, spilling them into the fire and ruining not only the fish but half of the racks too.

Ellie had lost her temper and yelled at Lucy, which had only provoked an epic meltdown. Her kid had a set of lungs on her, and she’d used them to their full, piercing, siren-like capacity last night, finally screaming, “I HATE YOU! I WANT MAMA LIVVY!” before devolving into less coherent wailing.

Ellie couldn’t have felt more shaken if Lucy had slapped her. Joel had taken one look at her face and scooped the screaming little girl up into his arms, marching out of the cave with her. She could hear his deep voice murmuring outside, and Lucy’s broken replies, while she knelt on the rocky floor and mechanically cleaned up the mess, unable to stop the tears that were leaking from her eyes.

When Joel finally led Lucy back inside by the hand, Ellie’s face was dry and the salvaged trays were stacked neatly by the fire. The ruined ones were burning merrily, along with what would have been a month’s supply of smoked trout. Joel pushed Lucy forward, and said, “Go on.”

Lucy started reluctantly, her eyes downcast. “Mama…” She looked up and started crying again, the rest coming out in a rush. “I’m sorry I ruined the fish! It was an accident, but I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself!”

Ellie raised her eyebrows at Joel. This kid was a real drama queen. She’d just quoted a line from one of the bedtime stories Joel liked to tell her. He shrugged.

Lucy continued, “And I don’t hate you. I’m sorry I said it. I love you!"

Ellie gathered the crying little girl into her arms and said, "I know it was an accident. I'm sorry I yelled. I love you." She sighed deeply. "And I know you miss Mama Livvy. Of course you do."

Later, after Lucy had fallen asleep, Ellie finally let herself unravel.

She sat outside on the wall of Louise’s empty paddock, her head buried in her knees while her body shook with sobs. Joel rubbed her back.

“This is just so hard. I suck at this, Joel,” she said, trying to stop crying. “I suck at being a mom. It's like a big fucking joke. All these years I felt so sorry for myself because I couldn't be around my own child, and now...it never once occurred to me how fucking bad I'd be at this. How did you do it?”

“Ellie…” Joel’s sigh was deep and weary. “There ain’t exactly a handbook. You’re doin’ fine. All you can do is love her, and do your best. That’s all anybody can do. You’re strong, and you’re gonna give her the tools she needs to survive in this world. That’s the important thing. It’s…” He was quiet for a moment, then he said, “When Sarah was seven, she wanted to go over to her friend’s house for a sleepover, but I’d never met her friend’s parents and I just...I thought she was too young for that kind of thing. When I said no, she burst into tears and said, ‘Daddy, you’re the worst!’ and then she refused to speak to me for the rest of the night.” Joel ran a hand over his beard. Ellie wiped her eyes. She could tell this wasn’t an easy memory for him to share.

“I spent that whole night feelin’ like a knife was twistin’ in my gut. But then next morning when she got up, she kissed me and asked me to make her pancakes, like nothin’ had ever happened.” He gave a short, sad laugh.

“Sounds like you two were close,” she ventured, her curiosity getting the better of her. Joel rarely talked about Sarah.

“She was my whole world.” Joel was quiet for so long she thought he was done talking, but then he said, “You woulda liked her, I think. I know she woulda liked you.” His voice was thick.

Ellie stood up and went to him, her own tears forgotten. “I’m sure I would have, Joel.” She wrapped her arms around him and held him, ignoring his shaking shoulders.

That night, Lucy slept on her own pallet without waking up, and when Joel reached for her she pulled him on top of her. She needed to feel him pressing against every inch of her, and his movements were similarly needy. When he covered her with his body and slid inside her, she wrapped her legs around him and just enjoyed feeling him there. She rolled her hips slowly into his and kept her lips on his mouth and moved with him like they shared a single body until a long, slow orgasm made her toes curl up and her insides tremble. Joel finished inside her but he lay there, joined to her, until he finally slipped out by himself, followed by a rush of their combined fluids. With one final, slow, searching kiss, he rolled over beside her and held her until his heartbeat slowed and his even breathing told her he was asleep.

* * *

Ellie was doing an inventory of their supplies in the big back area of the cave and enjoying a little precious alone time. It was funny, she’d spent so much time up here alone by herself, hating every second of it, but now that Lucy and Joel had come along she found herself missing the solitude. Not all the time, but often enough that every few days she’d leave Lucy with Joel and strike out on her own for the day. There were practical reasons too; without Louise their hunting area was much smaller than it used to be, and they had three mouths to feed. Joel seemed to understand her need for alone time, and was happy to take care of Lucy while she hunted.

What they really needed, Ellie thought as she counted mystery cans, was a babysitter. Lucy was too young to leave by herself, and the candy incident a couple months ago had proven that she couldn’t even be left to her own devices for long. And that meant that she and Joel would never be able to have loud, raunchy, free-for-all, anything-goes sex. It made Ellie want to bang her head against a fucking wall in frustration, because the infrequent trysts they enjoyed had become even more infrequent since Lucy refused to sleep by herself anymore, and once she’d turned five she’d started refusing to nap during the day too. Now there wasn’t even the prospect of quiet, missionary style sex after Lucy fell asleep, just the occasional quick grope in the supply room or during an early-morning bath down at the stream. Joel’s balls must be bluer than a fucking smurf’s. Did smurfs have balls? Ellie frowned and paused in her counting. Come to think of it, did smurfs have dicks? What was under those little white shorts?

 _Oh, goddamn it, Ellie, get it together. You can’t be so horny that you’re thinking about cartoon character dicks. What the fuck is wrong with you?_ She put down the last mystery can and pinched the bridge of her nose. What was wrong was that she’d spent over three years piously not thinking about sex at all, because she couldn’t possibly have any, and now that it was possible, she still couldn’t have any. It was like she’d been given the key to a shiny new sports car, but she could only afford a teaspoon of gas at a time.

Ellie leaned her forehead against the neatly organized shelf and shifted her hips uncomfortably. Fuck. The seam of her jeans rubbed against her swollen sex, and her underwear were squishing nastily. She sighed. Well, she wasn’t going to get two days out of this pair. She grinned wickedly. _Maybe I should just…_

With a quick glance toward the entrance, she braced her back against the stone wall and unbuttoned her jeans, letting the zipper slide down halfway. It was just enough for her to wiggle her fingers into her panties.

“Ah, fuck,” she whispered. She was so wet. Her fingers dipped into her soaked pussy and drew the slippery moisture up to circle around her stiff clit. She imagined Joel’s blunt fingers on her instead, pressing with just the right amount of force. Oh, yes. She screwed her eyes shut. _He’d slide his fingers into me...and get me good and wet...and...and…_

She was already so turned on, it took her less than a minute to make herself come, pressing hard on her clit while her body quaked. She stroked her wet fingers over the sensitive organ more slowly as she descended from her climax, each little brush evoking tremors in her body, and tiny gasps that she couldn’t suppress.

 _Mmmm. That hit the spot._ She giggled to herself. _That ought to tide me over until I can get Joel alone and rip all his clothes off...and stroke his cock…_

Her fingers never stopped moving. _Remember when Gina fucked my ass with that dildo? I wonder if Joel…_ A new rush of moisture drenched her pussy as her memories fused into an exciting new fantasy. _Ohhhhh...I want him to sink his cock into my ass and fuck me...that was maybe the most intense orgasm I ever had._ Her fingers worked even faster as a new thought occurred to her. _That movie Gina and I watched before she tried fucking my ass...there were guys getting fucked too. I wonder if Joel would let me play with his ass...I’d love to have him down on all fours in front of me...oh, if only I had one of those strap-ons! I’d stroke his cock from behind, and get him all turned on, and then I’d tease his ass with my fingers…_ She thought of the little red and white bottle hidden on a high shelf behind the medical supplies. _I’d finally use some of that lube...I’d get him all wet and push my finger into him...ohhhh, I can just hear him moan..._

“Nnnnnghahhhh!” Her second orgasm, she wasn’t able to keep quiet. It snuck up on her and clobbered her right over the head, exploding in her brain like a supernova. “Whoa.” She panted and slid down the cave wall, temporarily unable to support herself on her shaking legs.  

“Mama! Mama!” Lucy’s voice, high but laughing, filtered in through her pleasant post-coital haze. It sounded like it was coming from just outside the cave.

Ellie staggered to her feet and buttoned her jeans. Her cheeks were flushed, but she felt ready to face anything. She crawled out of the supply room into the main part of the cave.

Lucy came flying in through the entrance, breathless and grinning. “Mama!” she yelled. “Mama Livvy is here! And Louise! Louise is back!”

Ellie’s heart leapt. It had been five months since they’d parted on the way back from Roswell, and she was eager to hear how Olivia’s vaccine experiments were progressing, not to mention eager to see her old friend. She ducked out of the cave, and sure enough, there were Joel and Olivia leading Louise and two other horses up the hill from the stream. The horses were all laden with supplies, and Ellie felt another rush of gratitude. Without Louise, she hadn’t been able to make her usual trading run to the Chisos settlement, and they were getting low on some key supplies.

“Liv!” She ran to Olivia and hugged her so hard she picked her up off the ground.

Olivia laughed and hugged her back. “It’s so good to see you.”

Joel took Ellie’s hand and kissed it in greeting. His nostrils flared, and his eyes widened at her, a knowing smile creeping across his lips.

 _Oh, shit. I haven’t had a chance to wash my hands. He knows exactly what I was just doing._ Ellie gave him a little shrug, as if to say, _A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do._ Joel’s smile just got wider, and he kissed her fingers again. A tiny caress of his tongue before he dropped her hand, too quick for anyone else to notice, undid all her hard work. She shivered with lust. Damn him.

“Can I help, Joel? Can I please?” Joel was leading the horses to the paddock, and Lucy bounded after him, barely able to contain her excitement.

“All right, junebug, but you gotta promise to be calm and don’t spook the horses. And don’t get yourself stepped on,” Joel said affably.

“I promise.” Lucy’s voice was almost a whisper, but it climbed into her usual high-pitched chatter as she and Joel moved toward the paddock. He fielded her questions with amiable firmness, never letting her approach the horses from behind or get too far underfoot.

Olivia was watching their interaction with wistful envy. “He’s really good with her,” she said.

“Yeah,” Ellie replied. “He’s been...it’s been good to have him here. For both of us.”

“He must’ve had kids before,” Olivia said.

Ellie nodded. “A daughter.” She didn’t say anything else, didn’t know how much Joel would want her to share about Sarah.

“Ah.” Olivia didn’t pry.

“So, why the extra horses?”

“I thought you could use the extra supplies. Which are yours, by the way, with Esteban’s thanks. If it were up to him, you’d be eligible for sainthood. All three of us would.”

Ellie laughed. “So the vaccinations are working.”

Olivia nodded. “So far, so good. We’ve had some different responses. Pearl died from anaphylactic shock when she was exposed to the vaccine. And Floyd was vaccinated, but when he was bitten he couldn’t fight off the infection.”

Ellie shook her head. “Anybody else been bitten since they were vaccinated?”

“Yeah, me.” A new voice drifted up the trail from the stream. “Sorry I’m late, I wanted to rinse some of the dust off.”

“Bill!” Ellie tried to hide her displeasure. “What the f--” she glanced over to where Lucy and Joel were still working on the horses. She didn’t want Olivia to know what a deleterious effect she’d had on her daughter’s vocabulary. “What are you doing here?”

“Hi, Williams. Good to see you too.” He squinted and took in the rough rock wall paddock, the rudimentary smoker next to the cave entrance. “I really love what you’ve done with the place.”

“Oh, fuck you, Casey.”

“Hey, calm down. I’m here to extend the olive branch, not start shit.” Casey held up his hands.

“What’s goin’ on?” Joel was heading back toward them, Lucy skipping at his heels.

“Mama said fuck!” Lucy chirped.

“Cute kid,” Bill said.

“Ellie!” Olivia said.

“Shit,” Ellie said.

* * *

“So, what do you think?” Ellie was picking her way along the creek bank, heading upstream.

“It’s up to you. I ain’t goin’ anywhere without you.” Joel said, following close behind her.

“It’d be weird, being around people again,” she said. “But it would be good for Lucy.” And our sex life, she added privately. Esteban’s offer to let them all come back to the Chisos settlement seemed almost too good to be true. But now that everyone there had been vaccinated, Lucy and Ellie were less of a danger, and the community had voted to ask them to come back.

“It ain’t like we gotta decide right this second. We got plenty of supplies. Careful, now.” He caught her elbow as her foot slipped from a slick rock into the creek.

“Awwww.” Ellie frowned. “I hate soggy socks.” She shook her boot. “Good thing we’re almost there.”

“Finally? I thought you were walkin’ us all the way back to Balmorhea.”

Ellie loved Joel’s dry sense of humor. She poked a finger into his ribs, then dragged it suggestively across the hard muscles of his stomach, to the waistband of his jeans. “Impatient?”

He grinned. “I ain’t the one who was gettin’ myself off in the supply room.”

Ellie giggled. “Twice.”

“Christ, woman.” He drew her in and kissed her, hard.

“Come on.” The little grassy bank Ellie was heading to was only a little ways upstream, but she wouldn’t be able to wait if he kept kissing her like that. “I promise it’s not too much farther.” She slipped her backpack off and pulled her t-shirt off over her head.

“What are you doin’?” His laugh was slightly scandalized.

“Come ON, Joel.” Ellie ran ahead, splashing through the shallow water. What the hell, her boots were already wet. Her fingers went to the front clasp of her bra and unhooked it, and she shrugged the straps off her shoulders, baring her breasts to the sun. Oh, fuck, that felt so good. She used to spend entire days topless when she was alone out here.

She ran ahead of him, and only let him catch her when her feet were firmly planted on the springy turf of the little secluded bank. It was a place where she’d liked to come when she had some free time, back when she lived up here alone. The steep ridge provided shade on hot days, and there was always the cold stream to dip her feet into; she’d take a nap in the sunshine or read a book while she sprawled on a blanket. It was a tiny oasis, her special place, and now she was sharing it with him. She tossed her backpack and her balled-up t-shirt and bra off to the side and let him slip an arm around her bare waist.

Joel pulled her to him, sliding one big hand across her sternum to cup a breast. “Ellie…”

She pulled his head down and kissed him heatedly. “We’re all alone out here. Olivia’s not expecting us back until tomorrow morning.” He shucked his backpack, and she tugged his shirt out of the waistband of his jeans and pulled it over his head, tossing it over to join her own shirt on the ground.

He drew her in again, and she shivered at the press of his hard, furry chest against her sun-warmed nipples, which stiffened at the touch. She kissed him briefly, her tongue darting into his mouth and swirling around his tongue, the hairs of his beard and mustache prickling her face.

“We can take our time,” she said, her voice a low purr. “And I want to make the most of it. You can have me any way you want me, understand?” She moved his hand down so it was cupping her ass, and felt him harden against her. “Nothing is off limits.”

She could see the understanding dawn in his eyes as they filled with barely controlled lust. “Fuck, woman,” he growled. “You are somethin’ else.”

“You love it,” she said, a smug smile on her face.

Joel agreed by kissing her again, pushing his tongue deep into her mouth and pressing his lips against hers so hard it was almost painful. His tongue stroked the inside of her mouth, sliding against her tongue with strong, wet thrusts until Ellie’s breath grew short and she had to hold on to his shoulders to keep herself on her feet. His erection pressed against her belly through his jeans.

Damn it. He was so much taller than she was. She wanted to feel his hard bulge pressing against the vee of her legs, but she’d have to stand on a ladder or something for that, and ladders weren’t exactly lying all over the place out here. Reluctantly, she pushed away from him, panting as her heart pounded in her chest.

“Blanket,” she said, unable to form a complete sentence.

Joel smiled, his lips curling lazily through his beard. Ellie shivered to see that smile. He knelt, unzipped his backpack, and pulled out the folded blanket, shaking it out and settling it on the ground while she watched. Instead of standing up, he moved over to her on his knees and kissed her belly. She ran her fingers through his hair and sighed at the touch of his lips and prickly beard on the soft skin there, stretched out from her pregnancies and looser than anywhere else on her body. His rough fingers slipped under her waistband and deftly unbuttoned her jeans, sliding the zipper down as his lips followed the trail of exposed skin.

“Mmmmmmm.” Joel’s hands lingered on her firm ass, stroking and squeezing it before he pushed her jeans and panties down, his breath tickling the soft hairs of her bush. “Ohh, Joel…” He barely gave her time to catch her balance after she kicked off her boots and stepped out of her jeans before his mouth was on her sex, his tongue digging between her lips to taste the slick wetness there. Ellie steadied herself with her hands on his shoulders and her head rolled back in pleasure. This was so much better than being by herself in the supply room!

He really was good at this, she thought with a wicked smile. And he obviously enjoyed his work. Her breath came faster as he sucked her flesh into his mouth and lapped at her opening, pushing his tongue into her as far as he could. When he finally circled her swollen clit with his tongue, her knees shook and she tightened her grip on his shoulders. His fingers, strong as steel, clamped around her ass and held her steady while she shuddered under his mouth.

“Joel...please…oh, god...” she whispered. Her body was flooding with pleasure and she couldn’t think of any words except to ask for more. She could feel her orgasm building in the pit of her stomach, and when he slid two fingers into her sopping cunt she exploded, digging her nails into his shoulders as her pussy spasmed around him and shaking so hard she thought for sure she’d fall down.

“Oh. Ohhhh.” Ellie slid bonelessly through his arms to her knees in front of him. The smile on his face could have powered a small city. He ran one hand over his face, smearing away some of the wetness before she kissed him, but she tasted herself on him anyway, and she found herself licking his face, hungrily sucking her juices out of his beard. “Damn, I taste good,” she murmured.

“Darlin’, you taste better than anything I ever ate.” His fingers were still buried in her cunt, and now he slid them out of her, holding up his hand to her lips.

Ellie felt a new rush of desire. Fuck, that was sexy. She sucked his wet fingers into her mouth, licking her sweet and tangy juices from the rough, callused skin, using her tongue to circle his fingertips as lewdly and suggestively as she could. The expression of avid lust in his dark eyes as he watched his fingers disappear into her mouth was as much of a turn on as the taste of her own sex on his fingers.

“Fuuuck.” His breath exploded harshly across his lips as his body shuddered. “Ellie…”

“You’re wearing too many clothes,” she breathed.

His eyes looked slightly dazed. “Yeah…” His hands went to his jeans, but Ellie pushed them away.

“Let me.” She gave him her sexiest grin and slowly unbuttoned his jeans, teasing the skin of his waist with her fingers. He shivered under her touch, and shivered again as her fingers grazed his hard cock when it sprang forward eagerly, finally released from its confinement. She pushed the pants down over his narrow hips and slid her fingers over the warm, fuzzy flesh of his ass, squeezing the firm muscle there. On her knees, their height difference wasn’t as much of an issue. The hot, silken flesh of his cock bumped up against the soft hair of her pussy and he moaned quietly, thrusting his hips forward involuntarily.

Joel’s mouth went to her nipple, sucking the tiny sensitive nub while his hand squeezed her other breast. Ellie moaned as she felt a felt a hot gush of fluid between her thighs. Fuck, she was wet! The sensation of his dick sliding against her upper thigh was almost making her dizzy, and her pussy ached to feel him inside her.

“Joel…” she whispered, her voice hoarse. “Please...I _need_ you…”

His mouth left her breast and found her lips again, kissing her so hard her lips felt like they’d been stung. His tongue invaded her mouth, greedy and demanding, stealing her breath away while his hands made red fingermarks on her white shoulders. Tomorrow, there would be bruises, lines of tiny broken capillaries on her shoulders to remind her of Joel’s lust for her. But right now she barely felt it, swept up as she was in the storm of sensation and desire as their naked bodies pressed against each other and his tongue danced in her mouth.

When his lips finally left hers, she felt almost bereft.

“I…” His voice was thick in his throat, and he cleared it once before he continued. “When you said before that…” His hands slid down her naked back to the cleft of her ass, his fingers delving down to tug at the hairs around her tightly puckered anus.

Ellie shuddered. The way he was running his finger over her back entrance made her hands shake. She gazed into his dark eyes. “I want you to have me, however you want me.” She ran her hands down the hard planes of his chest, raking her nails lightly against his nipples just to see him shiver. “Have you ever fucked a woman in the ass before, Joel?” she said softly.

He shook his head and swallowed hard. “No. I never…I...the women I been with weren’t interested in that.” He gasped as Ellie’s hand found his cock and started stroking it.

“You’re big enough I can see why,” she said. “You’re gonna need to do a little work to get me relaxed enough for you, all right?”

He nodded and said, “What do you need me to do?” His voice was hoarse.

She gave his cock one last stroke before she stood up. “Get those jeans and boots off. I’m going to wash up a little.”

She saw with some amusement that his fingers were shaking almost too hard to untie his boots. With a smile to herself, Ellie opened her backpack and dug out the supplies she’d brought, just in case. The cake of soap. Her towel. The little plastic bowl. The fork. And the red-and-white bottle, the one she’d picked up at a trashed veterinary clinic outside Balmorhea all those years ago when she’d been looking for meds. She didn’t even know why she’d picked it up, except for the fond memories of her adventurous past, but now she was fervently glad that she had.

Her skin felt like it was buzzing as she walked over to the stream. She set the bowl and the bottle on the bank and stepped into the deepest part, which still only came up to her knees, and yelped as she submerged herself in the cold water up to her waist.

“Fuck! Cold!” She hurried with the soap, washing herself thoroughly, even pushing soap up into her anus with her fingers before submerging herself again to rinse off. When she came back to the bank, her skin was covered in gooseflesh and her pleasant buzz of lust was completely evaporated. That was, until she saw Joel, who was watching her avidly. If the desire in his eyes could set things on fire, she would happily burn. She stretched sensuously for his benefit, wrapped her towel around herself, and then bent down and filled the bowl halfway up with water from the stream, carrying it carefully back to the blanket along with everything else.

Joel watched with bright eyes as she sat down and measured a few capfuls of powder from the bottle into the bowl and then started whisking the mixture with the fork.

“What in the hell is that?” He picked up the red-and-white bottle.

Ellie’s smile was smug. “That, my dear, is veterinary lube. I had a friend who used to swear by this stuff for what we’re about to do.” The mixture was turning thick and viscous, just the right consistency.

Joel’s nose wrinkled. “Veterinary lube? Are you sure it’s still good and safe to use on...you know...humans?”

In response, Ellie dipped her fingers into the bowl and coated her palm with the slippery mixture. She took Joel’s cock in her wet hand, letting him feel the slick friction. “This powder should last forever. Trust me,” she said.

“Fuck, Ellie.” Joel looked like he was having trouble forming words. “Okay. What...whatever you say.”

Ellie set the bowl down next to the blanket and wiped her hand on her towel, unwrapping it from her body. She leaned forward and kissed Joel deeply, trying to rekindle the breathless passion they’d felt before her little detour to the stream. She slid her tongue into his mouth and when he met her tongue with his own, she made a slow and sensuous game of exploring every corner of his mouth while his tongue slid across hers and did the same. Soon they were both breathing heavily again, their hearts pounding with shared desire.

“Joel,” she murmured against his throat, as she traced a wet line of kisses across his salty skin.

“Mmm?” She felt his larynx vibrate under her lips.

“I need you to lick my ass for a while. Can you do that?” She held her breath. This would be a big ask for a man like him, she thought. But it was the best way to get her to start relaxing for the penetration that was to come.

She needn’t have worried. The way Joel whispered a strangled, “Oh, god…” and then pushed her over onto her stomach almost before she realized what was happening was all the reassurance she needed that Joel was more than willing to do what she asked.

Ellie’s breath left her as he grabbed her hips and pulled her back and up toward him, folding her knees beneath her and opening up her thighs. She’d never been manipulated physically like this with such ease, and it was an exciting reminder of how much bigger than her he was; how much strength was in his body. It was another unexpected layer of arousal for her.

And then his tongue was on her, circling her tight entrance while his beard and mustache scratched and tickled almost unbearably at her sensitive skin. Ellie squealed and moved away involuntarily, but his hands were like iron grips on her hips and held her in place, and by the time he started pushing his tongue into her ass she was pressing her hips back up against his mouth, anything so he’d just keep doing exactly what he was doing. She heard a high whining sound and eventually realized it came from her own throat. She almost sobbed when he stopped licking her, and she could feel a wet mixture of his saliva and her own juices trickling down the insides of her thighs.

“You’ve never done that before?” she gasped.

She heard him chuckle. “I never said that.” The swagger in his voice became tentative again when he said, “You’re a little looser, but not enough. Can I...I mean...what next?”

Ellie tried to stop her legs from shaking through sheer willpower. She wasn’t entirely sure she’d live through this experience. She took a deep, steadying breath, and said, “You need to work as much of that lube up into me as you can. Use your fingers.” She screwed her eyes shut and waited, her ass up and exposed to the air.

“Okay.” She heard him shift the bowl closer to himself, and there there was a slippery drip of liquid in the cleft of her ass.

“Ohhhh.” The tip of one of his fingers penetrated her asshole, slick with the lube. Another fingertip followed soon after, then another splash of lube. This time he worked more than a fingertip into her, sliding in up to his second knuckle, but not all the way, not yet. He worked the lube into her slowly, one finger at a time, going deeper gradually and adding more lube until he was sliding one finger in and out of her, fucking her slowly with it. “Mmmmmm.”

“Can I…” His voice was hoarse. “Can I use two fingers?”

“Ohhh...yes!” Her voice was a deep growl that came from somewhere low in her chest. She felt the pressure of his second finger stretching her entrance and took a deep breath, willing herself to relax against him. Her sphincter released, and then he was fucking her with two fingers, pushing them deep into her tight passage.

“Oh, fuck, Ellie…” Joel said. “I wish you could see this…”

“Describe it?” She was breathing through her nose to stay relaxed, but she should feel herself wanting to spasm around his fingers. If he talked to her, it would help.

“Your ass was so tight before. Now it’s all slick and glistening with lube, and it’s all red, like your pussy gets when you’re excited.” He reached his other hand underneath her and grazed her swollen clit with his fingertips.

“Fuck!” Ellie shuddered.

“Ahhhh. Fuck, baby, you’re wetter than a goddamned lake down there.” He never stopped moving his fingers in her ass, and Ellie found herself pushing back against him, needing more, needing it faster. “You’re still tight, but I can feel your muscles twitching and relaxing around me, and I can tell you want more. I’m giving you everything I got with these two fingers, all the way down to the last knuckle. You want more now?”

“Ohhhh, god, yes, Joel. I’m ready now.” She felt like she was going to come apart at the seams when he pulled his fingers out of her. She heard the slick sounds of him spreading lube on his cock, and then she felt the smooth tip of him pressing hot against her slick entrance. She pulled forward a tiny bit and said, “Okay, wait. This is really important.” She took a deep breath. “Don’t move. Not until I tell you to. Let me do all the work at first, okay? Just hold yourself there and don’t move.”

“I won’t move until you tell me.” His voice was strained. She felt him position the tip of his cock at her entrance again, holding himself there for her.

Satisfied, Ellie pressed her hips back. She bit her lip and grunted as his cock spread her anus, farther than his fingers had, and farther than it had ever been spread before. Fuck. Fuck. Oh, fuck. It hurt. She stopped, waiting until her sphincter stopped spasming around him. She pushed back again and the pain bloomed, red and angry and breathtaking. With a moan, she pressed her cheek to the blanket and scrabbled underneath herself with her right hand until her fingers touched her clit; she rubbed pleasure into herself while the pain of pressing herself back onto Joel’s cock wracked her in ugly waves. When his whole tip finally passed her tight opening with a pop, she shuddered and quaked underneath him, focusing on the mounting pleasure in her clit while her tight ass relaxed, millimeter by millimeter, around his pulsing shaft.

Thundering waves washed over her as she worked her clit and the sensations in her ass became more pleasure than pain. Panting harshly, she said, “Give me more, Joel. More.”

“Are you sure?” She heard the moan of longing in his voice. His body was shaking from the strain of keeping himself still for her.

“Yes. More. But slowly.”

She rubbed her clit hard when he pressed his hips forward, sliding the shaft of his cock into her tight backdoor as slowly as he could stand it. The pain was almost an afterthought now, drowned in the waves of sensation and pleasure.

“Fucking hell, Ellie. You’re so goddamned tight.” His voice was barely a whisper. “Ohhh, Jesus. Fuck.”

Ellie couldn’t answer him with anything except a deep groan as his thighs met her ass cheeks. He was all the way inside her; she felt completely stretched and full, and her body was trembling like a leaf in a storm.

She took one shaky breath and said, “Fuck me, Joel. Fuck my tight ass.” Her fingers never left her clit. She felt like she was being split apart when he started moving inside her, slowly at first, but gradually picking up the pace until he was going as fast as she could stand. “That’s good...that’s good...just like that...ohhhhh, fuck! Joel!”

“Ellie…” He said, his voice strangled. “You’re so fucking tight, I don’t know how long I can…”

But Ellie could feel her orgasm building like a tsunami that was going to crash onto her at any second, and she said, “Come in me Joel! Fuck me!” while she rubbed her swollen clit even harder.

He grunted, and it only took a few more hard, deep thrusts before she felt him twitching inside her, coating her bowels with his hot semen while he moaned. It was all she needed to push her over the edge and she came with a guttural groan that seemed to come right up out of the earth through her body, her ass and pussy both clenching together.

It made her see stars.

“Fuck. Jesus,” Joel mumbled as he collapsed forward onto her back. They lay there panting together for a few minutes and then he carefully removed his softening cock from her ass and shakily got to his feet. Ellie would have collapsed onto her side, her legs were shaking so hard they couldn’t hold her up anymore, but Joel helped her to her unsteady feet. Her ears were still ringing and she felt utterly unable to speak. He kissed her deeply and said, “Let’s get you cleaned up.” All she could do was nod.

He snagged the soap and her towel from the side of the blanket and walked her into the stream, where he gently washed her off. Ellie shivered in the cold water.

His eyes, when they met hers, were worried. “You okay? I...I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Ellie turned her dazed face to his and couldn’t stop a huge, loopy smile from splitting her face. “Hurt me? Fuck no! I think that was the hardest orgasm I ever had, though. I’m still not quite over it.” She laughed, and it sounded almost like she was drunk.

Joel’s eyes crinkled with humor. “Shit, woman. You had me worried there. Although, if this is only the start of what you got planned for us, I don’t think either of us will live through the night.”

Once Ellie started giggling she couldn’t stop, even when Joel playfully splashed her in the face with cold streamwater, even when he carried her back to the blanket and laid her down beside him. She was still laughing when she drifted off to sleep with her head on his shoulder.

* * *

When she woke up, she was famished. Her stomach was so empty it felt like it had never had food in it before. The smell of cooking got her up, and she threw on Joel’s plaid shirt before she tottered over to the fire ring he’d made next to the stream. The trout he was frying in the little cast iron pan made her mouth water and her stomach twist with hunger.

“Oh, man. That smells so fucking good!”

He grimaced and shrugged. “Be better with some butter.”

“I don’t think I could get a cow up here,” she said.

Joel laughed. “No. It’s nice that they got cows down at the Chisos, right?”

Ellie chewed her lip. “So...do you want to go back?”

Joel looked up at her. He was wearing only his jeans, and he looked good enough to eat. Although her body was relaxed and rested from all the orgasms earlier, a different kind of hunger made her shudder. “Yeah. I think so. It’s a good place,” he said finally.

She smiled. “Me too.”

His grin was full of relief. “That’s good. I was afraid I was gonna have to knock you out and drag you down there or somethin’.”

She rolled her eyes. “Ha! As if! You couldn’t knock me out if you tried.”

“Wouldn’t want to.” He grinned in a predatory way that made her stomach do a flip-flop. “You’re way more fun when you’re awake, anyway.”

Ellie’s mouth went dry. “Care to prove it?”

Joel laughed. “Woman, you’re insatiable! Let me get some food in my belly before you pull out the next surprise from that bottomless backpack of yours! I’m liable to keel over otherwise!”

Ellie’s stomach growled audibly, but she pulled her face into a pout. “Fine. We’ll eat first. But only because I don’t want you passing out while you’re banging me.”

“Much obliged, darlin’. Now, hand me those camp plates. I think our friend here is done.”

He shared the fish out between two plates, and Ellie ate hers with her fingers, too hungry to even wait until it cooled down from the pan.

Joel raised his eyebrows at her from where he sat with his plate, forking the tender trout into his mouth. “My god, woman. You’re downright savage.”

She shrugged. “I used my fork to mix lube.” She licked her fingers clean and laughed. “Are you blushing again? You can fuck my ass like a pro but mention lube and you light up like a Christmas tree? Jesus, Joel.”

He looked down with an embarrassed grin. “You can take the boy out of the church…”

“Hmm. Maybe I shouldn’t be corrupting you.”

His smile faded. “That’s already done. At least this is the fun type.”

“Oh...I…” She didn’t know what to say. Joel never talked to her about the six years he’d spent between the start of the outbreak and meeting her. He’d give her clues, now and then, but his past was mostly a closed door to her.

They sat in awkward silence for a few moments until Joel cleared his throat and said, “Sorry. Didn’t mean to ruin the mood. I, uh. I ain’t told you about some of the stuff I done. Because I ain’t proud of it.”

“You don’t have to…” she started.

“No. Let me finish.” He stared into the tiny cooking fire. “Me and Tommy...after Sarah died, we stuck together. Austin never got their quarantine zone up and working, things happened too fast there for that, so we lit out across the country, headed east at first. We...uh. Well, we weren’t too choosy about who we stole supplies from when we needed ‘em. We killed a fair number of people too.”

“They probably would have killed you, if you hadn’t…”

“No. Some of ‘em. Not all of ‘em. There was this one woman…” Joel passed a shaking hand over his eyes. “Barbara. She ran with us for a while. It was in Little Rock...we got ambushed by a big fuckin’ horde of infected, we all ran for it, but they were fresh and they were fast. I got Tommy boosted up onto a fire escape ladder, and he pulled me up. Barbara was behind me, and as soon as I got to the top of that ladder I kicked the fuckin’ thing off into the street. It was half rusted through anyway, didn’t take much effort. I was afraid the infected would climb up after us, you see. We’d had ‘em do it before, the fresh ones anyway. I won’t ever forget the look on her face when she realized what I’d done.” He shuddered. “Or her screams when they caught her.”

“Fuck, Joel.” Ellie didn’t know what else to say.

He gave her a bitter smile. “So you ain’t corruptin’ me. You’re…” He sighed deeply. “It feels like...you’re bringin’ me a little bit of grace.”

Ellie moved over and sat next to him, draping her arm around his shoulder. “I am very graceful.”

He didn’t laugh. “Ellie…”

“No. Shut up.” She kissed him fiercely. “I don’t care what you did before. It doesn’t matter. You think anybody’s slate is clean, Joel? Mine isn’t. We did what we had to do. And it brought us together, so it can’t all be bad, right?”

His only answer was a long, slow exhale. He leaned over to kiss her gently, but his lips lingered and opened, his tongue darting out and licking her lower lip. She opened her mouth to him and tilted her head to deepen the kiss, and as it became more heated she bit at his lips and sparred her tongue against his, willing him silently to understand how much she wanted him, needed him, loved him.

By unspoken agreement they stood up, leaving their dirty plates by the fire, still kissing as they moved back over to the blanket. Ellie’s hands went to the buttons on her shirt, and she shrugged it off while Joel stepped out of his jeans again. His mouth went to her nipple, sucking it hard while her fingers clenched in his hair.

When he drew away from her, her hands floated involuntarily through the air after him, her fingers still curled. She didn’t know what to do with them all of a sudden.

He smiled, his eyes dark with desire. “Lie down.”

Unable to speak because of the way her heart was beating in her throat, Ellie nodded and lay back on the blanket. Nerve endings were humming all over her body, and she ran her fingertips restlessly over her skin while she waited for him to join her. But when he did, he didn't cover her body with his like she expected, he didn’t even touch her, which only made her want him more. Instead, he lay on his side, close enough for her to feel the heat from his skin, and just watched the roving movements of her shaking hands on her own body.

After a few moments, he reached out and brushed her abdomen lightly with the back of one rough hand. It felt like a trail of fire across her belly. She gasped when his hand stopped at the top of her pelvis, his warm fingers curling slowly through the soft red hair there.

“Still want me?” His voice was a deep rumble, something she felt more than heard as he leaned forward to kiss her neck.

His fingers tickled the hair of her sex, but it was a tickle that started in the pit of her stomach and made her entire body shake. “Fuck! I…” she gasped again as two fingers dipped lower into her molten center and spread her wetness on the puffy lips of her sex. “Joel! Ohhhhh...will you please fuck me already?” She heard the neediness in her own voice, didn’t care.

He chuckled, but his chuckle turned into a strained moan as Ellie reached out and took matters into her own hands. He gasped as she stroked him and didn’t put up any resistance when she nudged him over onto his back.

She didn’t let go of him while she straddled his waist, and as she guided the tip of his cock to the tight entrance of her pussy, she echoed his words, saying, “Still want _me_?”

His only answer was a moan as she took him inside her, using the short, slow strokes that she knew would let her tiny body adjust to his size. God, he was so fucking big! Ellie blew out her breath through her lips as her pelvis finally touched his, a little moan escaping her. She was a small woman, and no matter how aroused she was, how wet, it always took some work to get to this point. She shivered and gripped him with her muscles; she could feel his blood pounding inside her, and her own heart felt like it was going to hammer right out of her chest.

“Ellie…” Joel’s deep voice was a needy growl. She rolled her hips slowly against him, and he met her movement with a thrust of his hips.

She planted her small hands on the hard plane of his chest, leaned over and brushed her lips against his. “Joel,” she breathed, “I’ve never wanted anyone so much. Never.” She moved her hips up again, holding the tip of his cock just inside the entrance to her cunt. “I never needed anyone so much.” She pushed herself down on him slowly, eliciting another strangled moan from his throat.

“Ellie...Ellie I…” She could see him struggling for words as her movements ripped concentration from his mind. “I ain’t...I never been good at...fuuuuuck!” He pressed his lips together when she started moving faster.

“Mmmmm...you were saying?” She smiled lightly, but held his eyes as she worked her body against him. Her breath was coming faster and her shoulders and breasts gleamed with sweat.

“You’re...better at words than I am,” he grunted. “But, Ellie...I…” He raised his hand to her face.

Ellie shuddered and slowed her movements as Joel’s fingers caressed her cheek and came to rest on the vulnerable column of her neck.

“I love you.” His voice was quiet, and a tiny bit lost.

Ellie stopped moving completely as her eyes swam with tears. With a sudden flash of insight, she realized what she really needed right at that moment. And to her surprise, it wasn’t the hot, wild, kinky sex she thought she’d been looking forward to.

She gave his cock one last squeeze with the muscles of her cunt, and then climbed off of him, bending forward to give him a slow, deep kiss. Then she lay back on the blanket and pulled him over on top of her, saying, “Make love to me. Please, Joel.”

He paused, poised above her, holding himself up with his arms. “I thought you...you wanted…”

She shook her head. “There’s time for all that other stuff later. I love you. I need you to hold me while you’re inside me. I want to feel every inch of you.”

He leaned down and kissed her heatedly. “Ellie…”

She bit his lip. “Shhh.”

There was no more talking. Ellie opened her thighs and tilted her hips, and when Joel’s cock found her entrance he slipped smoothly inside her. They both moaned when he bottomed out in her, and Ellie raised her legs and wrapped them around him.

They moved together slowly at first, then faster, until Ellie couldn’t tell where she stopped and he began. He was a part of her, his skin was hers, his breath and blood was hers. There was a rock pressing into her back; she didn’t care. She clung to his slick body, sliding against him with delicious friction as his cock stroked her clit and his mouth stole her breath and his body crushed her into the ground. As her pleasure built, her heart grew lighter and lighter until she thought she might die of happiness.

She was smiling and crying when she came, whispering his name in his ear while he shuddered to his own release, a long groan rumbling in his chest as he filled her spasming cunt with shot after shot of thick seed.

He rested his forehead against hers, both of them fighting for breath and sticky with sweat. “I love you,” he said again. This time his voice rang with quiet satisfaction.

Ellie giggled.

He raised his head, his brows drawing together, but he was smiling, and there was no tightness around his eyes. “What are you laughing at, woman?”

“Man, Joel.” She giggled again, the muscles of her stomach shaking against his body. “Who knew missionary position could be so fun? I feel like I’ve been missing out all these years.”

He laughed now too. “I’m glad I could teach you _something_.” His softening cock slipped out of her, followed by a gush of fluid, and he rolled off to lie on his back next to her, still laughing.

“Awww…” she said. “Gimme the dry side.” The sun was already drying the sweat on her body.

He grinned and stretched, then reached out for her hand. “Nope.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> So there you go! Joel and Ellie both learned important things in this epilogue! OCs Lucy and Olivia make appearances, Ellie finds out being a mom is really hard, and Joel learns to say "I love you." I think those two kids are going to be all right. 
> 
> And I learned things too! Did you know that some brands of veterinary lube come in powdered form, thus making them a perfect choice for post-apocalyptic anal play? I did not. Fortunately for all you readers out there, Mr. Mac grew up on a cattle ranch and knows all kinds of interesting stuff like that! (One ten-ounce bottle of J-Lube powder can make 6-8 gallons of lube. GALLONS, people.) Consider this a PSA for things to stock in your zombie apocalypse bug-out bag.
> 
> Also, imagine having this conversation with your loved one:  
> Me: Honey, what do you think would be the best lube around for anal, seven years into the apocalypse?  
> Mr. Mac: Seriously?  
> Me: Yeah. I'm writing an anal sex scene in my epilogue.  
> Mr. Mac: Really?  
> Me: Yes! I was thinking cooking oil at first, but then I thought no, they'd probably have some practical use for that. What about Vaseline?  
> Mr. Mac: J-Lube.  
> Me: What's that?  
> Mr. Mac: Look it up. That's what the internet is for, woman.
> 
> And you know, he was absolutely right.


End file.
